Kinda sums up my feelings right now. Not suicidal, don't worry, just very bleak and distraught. Life at home is becoming claustrophobic. My independence cannot come soon enough. I am having more and more slip ups. My parents must either suspect or deluded. But my sexuality would never be accepted in their house.
My prospects in life are not reassuring. Option 1, I continue living a lie to my family, stay close, marry a woman and feel dissatisfied with my life, and eventually get rightfully annulled and divorced. That is a route that would just hurt everyone. Option 2, I stay a permanent bachelor with my best friend, pray he never finds a girl, and explain to my disappointed family that marriage is not my vocation. The variable of another person's life decisions makes that one a temporary solution. Option 3, I find a man, enter a happy relationship, move sufficiently far away that visits would be impractical, wear the mask of "the career man who never found a woman" when visiting family, and hope they never come to my residence.
Life's never easy. But good God, why is it as difficult as this? Each option kind of sucks, to be honest. Option 3 is the most appealing, but even that is fraught with difficulty. The least complicated thing to do would be to move away and, in a letter or something, reveal the truth, state my current conviction, and sever ties. Though even that would likely bring my family to my home for an intervention.
I don't ponder this simply for myself, but my family. My mother has heart problems. It would haunt me to my grave and beyond if I caused anything to happen to her.
The present is difficult, the future uncertain and filled with trials. Into your hands, O Lord. I don't know if you still pray, Ex. But please do for me. My dark night of the soul has come. It could be a very long one.
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Kinda sums up my feelings right now. Not suicidal, don't worry, just very bleak and distraught. Life at home is becoming claustrophobic. My independence cannot come soon enough. I am having more and more slip ups. My parents must either suspect or deluded. But my sexuality would never be accepted in their house.
My prospects in life are not reassuring. Option 1, I continue living a lie to my family, stay close, marry a woman and feel dissatisfied with my life, and eventually get rightfully annulled and divorced. That is a route that would just hurt everyone. Option 2, I stay a permanent bachelor with my best friend, pray he never finds a girl, and explain to my disappointed family that marriage is not my vocation. The variable of another person's life decisions makes that one a temporary solution. Option 3, I find a man, enter a happy relationship, move sufficiently far away that visits would be impractical, wear the mask of "the career man who never found a woman" when visiting family, and hope they never come to my residence.
Life's never easy. But good God, why is it as difficult as this? Each option kind of sucks, to be honest. Option 3 is the most appealing, but even that is fraught with difficulty. The least complicated thing to do would be to move away and, in a letter or something, reveal the truth, state my current conviction, and sever ties. Though even that would likely bring my family to my home for an intervention.
I don't ponder this simply for myself, but my family. My mother has heart problems. It would haunt me to my grave and beyond if I caused anything to happen to her.
The present is difficult, the future uncertain and filled with trials. Into your hands, O Lord. I don't know if you still pray, Ex. But please do for me. My dark night of the soul has come. It could be a very long one.
-Sean
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