Risky business

A blog is a funny thing. Even though I have a very small readership, in principle anyone on the planet with internet access could read it. So putting personal stuff on a blog is almost like putting your family photo album out on the front steps for any passers by to see. Mostly for professional reasons, I don't put my picture or my name up here, but rants (or musings) about sex, religion and politics are bound to be kinda revealing and personal.

So, I took a risk last September by announcing that I and the fella I had been seeing for a couple of years had agreed to be boyfriends. I liked that. Very much. There were moments when, for me, it seemed too good to be true. Turns out I was right.

All I'll say here is that after about six months, the limits of who we could be to each other became clear. Although very sad for me, it was not a big surprise; we had been over that issue before. From my perspective, it was really the only problem we had with each other; not whether we loved each other (we do), but how to love each other, how to be a part of each other's lives. What I really want is that hard-to-name combination of friend, lover and family. For shorthand, a partner. Not so with him. We became lovers and friends, but The Boyo remained at heart a single man.

He is a wonderful guy. My affection and admiration for him remain. We are still connected, as I hope we always will be, but now I am also, like him, a single man.

Risky business, love.
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