In 2006 I decided to wade back into the dating pool and see if I could meet a guy I'd like to partner up with. Having been single for several years after a nine-year relationship, I found I was missing the energy of another man close up in my life.
So, I thought, what am I looking for? Here's what I wrote back then about my ideal man, trying for maximum common ground and compatibility:
I'm looking for grown-up love with an equal: a gay white male, middle-aged +, intelligent and well-educated, easygoing, curious, with a lively sense of humor, aware of his strengths and his limits, in good shape, who likes his maleness, homelife, his country, and has his own connection to the soul; a man matching me in some of my strengths and not too much worse than me in some of my flaws.
We're unlikely to click if he's vegetarian, messy, effeminate, hates cigars, has kids, is often late, or thinks gays must be Democrats.
And guess what? I found him. (After he found me.)
We met just over two years ago --itself an unlikely event-- and about six months later realized we had fallen in love with each other, a surprise to us both. Most often we have enjoyed each other very much, our connection both very easy and full of life. Yet the Bard reminds us that "the course of true love never did run smooth," so we have had our bumps and detours (some of which have been reflected in a blog entry or three). But it was never about whether we loved each other; it was about how.
We've come to an agreement on that now. We are not partners, in the sense of being married. But we are each other's number one guy, unique lover and friend. And we'll go from there, taking advantage of the freedom we have as a man-with-man duo to make up our own rules and our own arrangements.
My guy comes amazingly close to my desired description. Looking back on it, it's really astonishing. In addition he brings other gifts and qualities with him that I did not know I would like so much. Salami sandwiches, just for one. God arranged things better than my ego could. Duh.
The one area where my boyfriend clashes with the list is that he is not gay. He's not straight, either, of course. But he has never felt comfortable within the confines of the gay identity and has no "gay culture". A very welcome confluence, given my own dissatisfaction with the GLBT tribe over the last years. That creates some challenges, to be sure, but I really love the fact that he is his own man and not a pre-fab cut-out.
He voted for "Mr. Obama" as I, of course, did not, but neither of us has the inclination to make political agreement a big issue between us.
In all the other ways, he is a definite match...although some of my friends have wondered if we were "grown-up", since we go from middle aged to adolescence in a heartbeat. He is funny --very funny--, quick, very smart, happy, curious, has built a good life, takes good care of himself...and of the people in his life that he cares about. He's a great guy, a good man who loves life, a man I admire. And if I may add on a family blog like this, even though he doesn't quite believe it, he's sexy as all hell.
He lights up my heart like a Christmas tree.
I am happy man today. I feel lucky. Even more, I feel blessed, blessed to have a chance at growing into a more intimate connection with this man I love.
Thank you, God. (Oh, and St. Jude.)