Anyhow, an article by pornstar Jesse Jackman, an archetypal Daddy musclebear, about how his mother discovered what he was doing for a living reminded me of a moment with my mom.
I had already come out to my parents years before, but...well, you'll see what I mean.
It was about eight years ago and I was visiting for several days. We wound up one night watching the Sopranos together. It was the season when Vito Spatafore, the closeted homosexual gangster, was on the run and had started a relationship with a diner cook in some small New England town.
In this episode, they wound up in bed together. Buttfucking. It was under the covers, but it was perfectly clear what was happening.
We watched in silence, me becoming rapidly and deeply uncomfortable. I blurted out, not looking in her direction, "I don't think we should be watching this." Replied the matriarch, not looking in mine, "I'm more than 80 years old and I'll watch whatever I please."
The odd aftermath was, well, odd.
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6 comments:
If what you linked to was the aftermath, I think in her mind, if you're uncomfortable with anything gay at all at any time then, you are not gay. Never mind the fact that even if I were straight I could never watch a sex scene with my mother. At least, not a long one. My mother refuses to believe that I am uncomfortable about the subject of sex. She rarely brings it up but, she will whip it out of nowhere.
She does not know I am gay. My cousin, the eternal attention whore that she is, came out at Thanksgiving around '05. She claimed to have had a dream about how it was the right time, as if it were ordained by a God she does not believe in. Of course, she pretended to be upset about a private argument she had with my grandmother but, she was upset that the whole damn day did not revolve around her. Everyone just ignored the announcement. I was amused.
The point is, my mother and I knew a good year before. She was in a relationship with a girl she met in college and we both noticed said girl had a hickey. Even seeing that damn hickey for herself, if my cousin was not willing to answer my mother in full detail HOW they have sex, my cousin is not really gay. If she knew about me, that would kick into overdrive. I have already told her I am not the marrying type and that grandkids are out of the question. When she said that I would pass on my seed and that is my biological prerogative, I told her that I plan on living forever: So far So good.
*-A
One can never forget their calling card.
-A
Although my mother eventually got over her moment of denial, I think it was a combo of two things. First, I was her firstborn son and she just didn't like the idea. Understandable. Second, I am not a flamboyant fella and pretty well all the gays she met were.
My experience of coming out taught me a couple of things: it's about as hard for the parent to deal with as the child and both of them need time, sometimes lots of it, to adjust. And while mom and dad may continue to love you, they may never really approve, and that's ok. The rule in families needs to be not perfect but "good enough."
You have a knack for true words, don't you? My mother and I already have enough issues to hash out. I will wait a bit longer. I don't want her to have a stroke. Dad probably knows, though. He already has a grandson so, he probably can get over it faster.
First Born Blues are a kind of right of passage in every family, aren't they?
After all your studies and degrees it sounds as if your mom knew more than you.
May she rest in peace.
Wouldn't deny the assertion but I don't get the reference.
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