Am I a supremacist?

My first shrink pointed out that I have a somewhat counterphobic personality. I only wish it were moreso; I'd be a lot more accomplished and happy. But it partly manifests itself in my attraction to things that are forbidden. So there's a transgressive vibe to it, as well. Although I give the impression of solidity and stability, there is a quirky restlessness in me that has proved to be a commanding theme in my biography. I would not have signed on for it. It has caused me a lot of trouble. But there it is.

I first noticed it when I was a young monk and was trained to meditate in the Jesuit style of imaginative narrative, considering Biblical images or stories and retelling them to myself, imagining myself in them, then making affirmations, etc. Dreadful stuff. I found that with my perfectionist streak --and bubbling terror over my eventually triumphant homo-sexuality-- being in the mental company of the twice-born kept me in a rather permanent state of anxiety and vulnerable to social control cues from my religious environment.

Then, at Columbia University, I read Jung's evangelical pseudo-biography (written by his adoring secretary Aniela Jaffe), Memories, Dreams, Reflections and discovered The Shadow. I consciously embarked on a subversive strategy (very post-Moderne) of listening for my "bloody-minded" thoughts instead: anger, fear, desire, grief, etc. The good stuff. I eventually became less anxiously aware of my own dark side, but without moral judgment being compulsive. "When Brother So and So opens his mouth and gives his stupid opinions, I'd like to strangle him and pee on his corpse" kinda stuff. Rather than being horrified at my sinfulness, I tried to remain curious. "Hmm. Interesting. How...human." Such a stance has helped to make me a decent therapist. My patients are almost always more terrified of their savage selves than I am. There are few outrages I cannot or have not imagined myself performing.

Most people don't think as much as react, in complexes. I certainly am driven by my own, both the known and the unknown, but I try to carve out a little bit of consciousness now and again. Although I sometimes wonder if what I think is consciousness is just a smarter complex that has duped me into believing I have gained some distance from it.

Anyhoo. So when someone, repeating the command of Jehovah not to eat of that one tree over there --and we know how that first attempt at crowd control turned out--, tells me I cannot think about or consider a point of view, I immediately become curious about it.

White supremacy. Well, what can be worse than that? The old reductio ad Hitlerum or, in a US context, ad Bull Connor and the Klan. For most people it is literally un-thinkable.

Some of my closest relationships are with "people of color". Black and Asian. Maybe one sorta Hispanic. Wonderful people whom I love or like. Jews, even! But this is not about individuals.

The truth is, I don't want to live in a world run by or dominated by their ethnic groups. I am perfectly content to live in a society with people of more than one race, ethnicity, religion, etc. That's all I've ever known. But I want my group to be in charge. If I had to choose, or could, I'd like to make sure that straight* White men of generally Christian backgrounds dominated the world I live in. Doesn't mean other folks --including homos-- could not live and be happy there. (Apparently, given our immigration patterns, they agree with me.) Just that they would not be in charge.

(I don't even want to live in a world without liberals! I just don't want them in charge.)

With few exceptions, for example, places dominated by Blacks are not places anyone else wants to be. Including a lot of Blacks. Hispanic countries, again with a few exceptions, seem to be in constant states of unrest and conflict. Asian countries can be very good at creating prosperity and stability, but not so great for liberty. The impact of voting women has, over the long term, only helped the Nanny state become even more of a suffocating Mommy, including culturally: would our current Western obsession with health and safety, and its accompanying stifle of regulation, be likely without the support of women? I remain of the opinion that places created and dominated by straight White men --for all their faults and exceptions-- are by comparison with the rest of the world, the best places for prosperity AND stability AND freedom ---all three-- for people of all kinds**.

Is that a "bloody-minded" thought? Does that make me a "white supremacist?"

*Straight I am not, of course, so I am not looking for absolute mirroring. And the performance of homos in groups is not, over the long haul, inspiring.

**Within limits, obviously. Every state has the right to regulate immigration based on its own best interests. It is not a "human right" live to wherever you want.