Sunday, September 18, 2011

From the sublime

to the ridi-culo. But the funny.

Randy Alpha Male Silvio Berlusconi got caught on tape this summer referring to German Chancellor Angela Merkel as "an unfuckable lardass". Now that's a memorable phrase even in English.

Ever supportive of diverse cultures, I sought out the Italian original, and found it equally eloquent:

"una culona inchiavabile."

Oona kulona inkya-vabbilay

The English translation is terrific.

Irredeemable lech meets unfuckable lardass

For you other pointy-headed linguists, "culona" takes the slang "culo", meaning "ass" and adds the feminine form of the magnifier "-one". And the slang verb chiavare means to put in the key, to screw. So as "in-chiav-abile", she is "un-key/screw-able."

Here both the very AngloSaxon "unfuckable lardass" meets the very Romance "culona inchiavabile" in perfect harmony.

(Maybe I should have titled this post "From the Sublime to the ridi-culona...)

Who, after all, doesn't love a well-turned insult?

Update: Well, it turns out that the Germans seem not to.

I went looking for how "culona inchiavabile" would be translated in the German press and it was very difficult to find. Almost all the German media were periphrastic, talking around it. And the few who did try to translate it directly, did the German equivalent of writing "f**k".  But here, on Ex Cathedra, is the way the Krauts say it, in a sentence rather than a phrase: "Diesen fetten Arsch man kann nicht ficken."

[Spring 2013. For some reason, within the last couple of months, the number of hits on this posting has made it the most popular on my blog, surpassing the popularity of a one where I posted pictures of a tattooed porn star. I certainly attract an intellectual elite...]


Anonymous said...

I'm not certain, but I might try "ein unfickbarer Grossarsch".


Anonymous said...

In the interest of conservative morals, shouldn't someone issue a protest?

In a way, the protest can't be polite, since the protest must specify that a 57-year-old woman is not likely to be as sexually attractive as are girls in the Italian prime minister's target demographic. But then, this impoliteness having been utter'd, one can remark on the irrelevance and even absurdity of Mr Berlusconi's remark.

She is old enough to be a grandmother, and I would say that Christian gentlemen did not go through life complaining that grandmothers aren't sexually enticing. ...

I daresay most male males in her age range must do extreme amounts of exercise, cosmetic surgery and testosterone in order to retain their sexually attractiveness to male desire. This task is even more difficult for women because the female body is attractive in soft tissue, which aren't built up by exercise or rejuvenated the way testosterone pumps up musculature. And this woman has Europe's primary country to govern -- the only one that can keep the whole European experiment financially possible. She can't work out at the gym three hours a day.

Admittedly, the prime minister said this in private and wasn't aware, I assume, that snoops were taping his words.

I suppose, really, that I should add that according to the old school of conservative morals, one maintain'd an attitude of unobtrusive pity toward girls who are sexually unattractive even when young.

The importance of beauty for our psyches is such that we rightly exclaim over girls who are beautiful. If there were no beautiful girls, then all of us -- women, hetero and homo men, even I suppose most lesbians -- would have a much harder time arriving at 'affirmation' of life. But to remark on the unattractiveness of girls or women of any age is simply ungentlemanly. I think I was right to wince even when the little boy in "Home Alone" was scripted to utter contempt for an unattractive girl.

Canaan should be told that if he can't say something nice about a girl's looks, then he shouldn't say anything at all.

USMaleSF said...

In addition to opining on Ms Merkel, he said of a female political opponent who is rather corpulent and plain,"lei e piu bella qu'intelligente." She is more beautiful than smart...

Chivalry is not his strong suite.

Anonymous said...

No, I suppose not. ... I might add that in a homoerotic culture, sc to be judged erotically not by girls who can find a guy attractive on account of his power, prestige, etc, but by the male gaze, I guess Mr Berlusconi might be pass'd over with contempt as totally inchiavabile.

Not that I claim any authority on homoerotic attractiveness criteria, but I can draw conclusions from the 'lookist' and 'ageist' symptomatology of male hetero desire.

Womengirls have even more exacting standards for their own looks, which I suppose I understand since hetero sex or love-making is really all about her, her desireableness to him -- a very 'vulnerable' position. I don't understand at all, though, can't in any way 'see into' or projectively imagine etc how womengirls' desire can be turn'd on by a guy in terms of his prestige, power, talent, etc. I would say, though, that womengirls don't understand this either. I mean, I've never heard an explanation of how e.g. learning a guy is a duke and the womangirl who marries him will give birth to a duke and lords and ladies suddenly makes him attractive to look at, whereas previously he had been erotically invisible to her. ... Darwinists can give rationales for why randomness causes this response, but this doesn't take us into the experience, any more than how a male warbler's song sounds intimidating to other male warbler's of that species. ...

PNWReader said...

inchiavabile -- my new word for the day. must find a way to work that into a conversation.

Anonymous said...

I maybe should have made clear that I wasn't referring to a 'mercenary' etc calculation in womengirls re guys who are famous, rich, powerful etc and the material advantages that might accrue to the womangirl who 'marries well' in this way, nor the direct prestige advantages to her, namely that marrying well in this way increases her perceived value in the eyes of her family, girlfriends, et al.

No doubt such calculations occur. But I meant that a guy's fame, power, or other perceived value is an sexual turn-on for many or most womengirls, and this though they have little direct sexual desire compared with guys. It is this reality I was referring to -- a reality in womengirls that I don't understand and I think maybe THEY don't understand well either.

BTW, I think they're actually very visual in their desire -- in terms of how they see themselves and how desireable they are and accordingly how much they can enjoy making love (being made love to).

In a possibly related reality, apparently a guys' clothing can be a great turn-on too (comparatively speaking), e.g. really good suits, apparently, for most white educated-class womengirls. This too is hard to understand because in love-making the Brooks Brothers suit comes off. ...

Tarquin said...

Sandro Veronese, in Caos Calmo, refers to a character as having 'Un largo culo morbido da badessa'. I think it was meant as a compliment.

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