Sunday, February 09, 2014


Richard Dutcher was a Mormon film maker. I have watched his Brigham City a couple of times and found it moving.

A few years after that flic, his lifelong Mormon faith fell apart. On a YouTube channel about Mormons who leave their church, he describes what happened.

I am also someone who has changed his mind and left a life-long attachment behind. And Dutcher's story provoked what I guess you'd call a body memory, of how it feels when a world starts to dissolve. 

Not fun.



Anonymous said...

It's an event that makes you feel lost, even panicked. I still remember how I described it to you when I left Catholicism: like taking a boat out of the harbor you've known your whole life, and setting out into the mighty ocean. Even recalling that feeling and again considering my decision reawakens those feelings in me.

My move from conservatism to reaction does not feel quite so jarring, more of a natural progression from one point to the other. Still surprising and distressing that I must now view my previous worldview and convictions as a delusion, but not soul-shattering. My departure from Catholicism happened within the course of a couple weeks: A sudden thunderbolt of revelation that rocked me to my core with the realization that I could no longer consider myself Catholic. My total apostasy has been more gradual, but I cannot figure out what a man who acknowledges 13 persons of a single supreme deity but accepts the divinity of Christ (or at least its possibility) should be called. Maybe it's because Catholicism was and still is more integral to my identity, indeed my soul, than conservatism ever was?


OreamnosAmericanus said...

And it takes time to play itself out, the eventualities hard to predict.

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