Monday, November 17, 2008

The vagaries of desire


Impressive does not always equal attractive.

There's a guy at my gym, a trainer, who has a really fine physique, muscular and proportionate. Most any man would count himself happy to look like he does. And I look. I do. He's impressive.

But I have no desire to do more than look.

It's not that I find muscularity off-putting. I don't, usually. It's more idiosyncratic than that. He has a manner that I don't like, but even that is not all. Here are two images of muscular men. The first one I find very, very much a draw, the other one could be a new car (and it has nothing to do with his politics).



There's another guy at the gym with whom I have a very friendly, playful and flirty relationship. Totally different style from the first man I have mentioned. Very "alternative". But I find him wonderfully handsome, as well as powerfully built. And he is a very nice fella, bright, masculine, thoughtful and related. I like looking at him, too. And we once even considered having sex with each other, and would have, had external circumstances not intervened.

But even though his visuals and his personality are great, when he occasionally gives me a hug in the locker room, usually only clad in a towel, the tactile event is pretty, well, uneventful. Who knows what that's about?

On the other hand, a guy can be in shape but not coverboy material at all, but with the right chemistry, a certain combo of tactile and aural, for example, he can be teeth-grindingly attractive, even if not, on the surface, as impressive as the others.

Who knows?

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