Saturday, April 19, 2008
In the last ten days or so, I have experienced a noticeable variety of moods. More than I usually do. I think I have a very broadly and slowmoving cyclothymic character, but of late the colors have been more vivid. I have times of almost incandescent joy, of clear-flowing peace, of edgy anxiety, of irritated boredom, of grinning playfulness, of empty serenity. The literal color of the day or hour affects me: a sunny morning, a foggy one, darkness before dawn...
What I notice is how quickly and how sharply my mood can shift these days. I try not to act them out on people in unsocial or uncivi ways, but I feel them. The presence or absence of a person, my level of energy, how my teeth grind.
If I recall, Heidegger thought that moods were not merely emotional states or frames of mind, but ways in which the world revealed itself.
Sometimes they vary so much that I wonder if there is only one man experiencing them, if they are regions of my one soul or the voices of a multitude: "My name is Legion, for we are many."
at 9:14 PM