SNAFU

Whenever someone expresses shock and horror at some kind of mess in the military, I recall that the acronym SNAFU was born in the military: Situation Normal, All Fucked Up.

It is a bright and sunny morning, pleasant temperatures, and I am feeling Snafu.

Last week was pretty nice. Had a lot of interaction with friends to distract me from the general malaise of 2010. But the structures of life remain little changed. Work, though pretty satisfying, is suffering greatly from the economic mess. And it is a very slow process to let go of my three-year ride with B.
Attachment survives beyond reason and even experience. Only being hit on on the head repeatedly with the unvarnished truth will finally bring about some kind of peace for me.

Bargaining and denial remain significant players in the grieving process. Why Kubler-Ross did not include confusion in that dynamic I do not know, since a lot of the time I feel as if the law of gravity has been suspended. And perhaps what finally brings the whole process to a close is exhaustion. I know that I am very tired of it. So much constant output of energy, for what? To let go of something? Memories, a dream, illusions, hope, pleasure? Exhausting.

The larger world of politics and power and money, etc. Funny how some people my age can be guiltily nostalgic for the Cold War. I watched Thirteen Days, about the October 1962 confrontation between the US and the USSR over the Cuban missiles. Gripping stuff. But from my current POV, almost simple. Like the world of Sean Connery's James Bond. A vanished world of us vs them. Now it is very hard to find the us.

The wasps are still living in the lantern on my back porch, but there are only a handful of them now. With the cold nights and the rain, they should be gone in a few days. Only the queen survives the winter.